I'd be totally lying if I said I wasn't a little excited....ok so A LOT excited!!!!
Last weekend I got an old bed that my dad had bought and painted for Payton when she was little and I repainted it and got the spare bedroom sat up. There is a shelf with some gender neutral, assorted age toys and games on it, a bed with a multicolor stripped comforter, a tv stand and tv, a bedside table and a couch in there. I haven't decided what I'm gonna do with the couch yet, they have told us alot of kids have problems sleeping or wake up alot during the night, especially in the beginning and this couch is super comfy,,,so I may keep it as a back up bed for me if necessary ; )
I honestly have felt like I was nesting like I did when I was pregnant!!!!!! I have cleaned straightened gotten things cleaned out and ready for about a week now, and this weekend I literally vacuumed the house 4 times in one day (and twice the next one), totally rearranged Pate's room (because she wanted to) and cleaned out 2 big black trash bags of stuff from her room, its AMAZING!!!
.....nesting much?
Tonight was class 10 we had some guest speakers talk while we were eating our covered dish dinner. Then as soon as the last speaker finished up we had an awards ceremony.
First called: "Melissa and Joey Holmes"....we raced each other to the front of the room, me pushing ahead of him and then Joey pulling my arm to try and get me behind him...every one in class laughed and then hummed the pomp and circumstance song for us and everyone there after us got the song... it was a fun time. And then in celebration of Joey starting his NEW JOB YESTERDAY AS A DEPUTY SHERIFF working in the detention center, we held up our certificates and turned to the side for our pictures like mug shots. ; )
Good memories of the last class.
I got to tell our instructor who was my very first email contact the beginning of the story just how perfect God's timing was in Joey getting a job (since he started yesterday and our last class was tonight and you couldn't miss but one class and he is still training 8-5pm so he got to be there for the last class)
If anyone reading this ever hears me say, "Why God" about anything ever again, please slap me! or shake me or at the very least give me a good talking too!!!
God's hand in all of this from day one has been so obvious and has abundantly blessed me more than I could have ever expected...and that was just the classes. I don't have some unrealistic expectations about anything that we are on the eve of diving into being easy...if anything I feel pretty prepared for the opposite of easy. They didn't sugar coat the things we will be dealing with as foster parents and I know, I'm not going to be able to love any child enough to erase their past.
What I do know is that God has healed me. He has healed my heart from many things over the years and that if I can just get seeds of His love planted in them through HIM IN our family, hopefully one day those seeds will grow and will be the way to a complete healing for them as well.
What's next?
I have my individual interview tomorrow, then I have to schedule Payton's (hopefully here at the house). We are ready for our fire inspection, which I intend to tell our licensing worker tomorrow and we are ready our home inspection by her as well, child prooproof locks on cleaning cabinet? Check. Medicine box locked? Check. Room ready? Check. And then the very last thing, we have to attend a medicine dispensing/CPR class that is like 45 minutes long on the 17th, but after talking to A* tonight, we could be placed anytime. One grandma/foster mom got her grandson today and had him in class with her.
5 children came into custody today. FIVE... 5. In one day. When A* told me that tonight, when she said those words~~ there was a pain in my chest....Even to the very last class, God continues to break my heart with this.
The thought of five children feeling displaced tonight, scared and in a strange home...right now as I type these words, trying to sleep in a strange bed.....just melts me into tears.
She asked us tonight the million dollar question...
Have we decided what we want....age range and sex....
I just looked at her and said no...not really. We had discussed that we most likely needed a child we could have IN after school care for if they are school age, since we both work (which means elementary age). And we had discussed our school district and even how I would be able to get a child to the elementary school and Payton to middle school (when K & P were those ages I met a friend at the store who had girls the same ages and we traded off and he took the younger ones to the elementary school and I took the older ones to the middle school)....so in discussing this, she assured me they could get us before and after school care.
Then I reminded her of the email I sent about the age range and sex blank on the first application, and that I still feel like I can't say....because I feel like God has done this, and if we specify WHAT WE MAY WANT......we may rule someone out He wants us to have. I reminded her of Payton and that we couldn't accept older boys but that other than that...we just don't know.
I asked her and she assured me that since she "knows us" she will be working with our worker to make our placements are a good fit...and of course we always get the chance to opt out....she said when we get the phone calls, we will just know, if we are trusting God with it.
Tonight I feel a sense of relief not having anywhere to be on Tuesday nights anymore, because Tue and Wed were both running nights with church and the class...but I am also kind of sad. I have watched our marriage really grow and be touched by the classes...
But I am sure, since God has never been a God that has let me down, that this is really just the beginning of God blessing us with this journey. Continuing Tuesday night classes or not.
Joey and I made a pact tonight riding home. We had said it, but I explained why this is so important to me..... and we promised we aren't going to discuss details about any child's life with anyone else. Of course there was a class on confidentiality, but what really made me decide was hearing someone else talk about a foster child and their "problems" and health issues. She didn't mean any harm by it, or anything bad by what she was saying, but just the fact that she knew and was sharing that info in a room of people hurt me and upset me for that child. Add that to someone that we trusted, (or we had hoped we could trust) told others we were taking the classes when we had asked them not to. And not just with one person either.
I just don't want to EVER take any kind of a chance with anyone, anywhere learning these kids stories. It is their life, if they choose to share it with someone it should be by their choice.
Plus, one of our foster children could become and adopted child, and I would rather not anyone in our family pre-judge or look at our child differently or badly because of what his/her parents did etc....
I believe we are here for these children, not for a story to share....not to make someone else have a "Wow factor" at something they will hear, because believe me, I have already heard some of these...and they are the saddest wow's I have ever heard...
So the bottom line, more so than any confidentiality agreement, my husband and I made a promise to each other tonight, that we will share 0 details about the children we may come in contact with with anyone. And my word to him, means more to me than any confidentiality pact with DSS.
SO, here's to new beginnings!!!
Lord, I trust you to break my heart for what breaks yours!!!
And wherever you are taking us I am ready!!!!
Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
No comments:
Post a Comment