We did it ~ Application Day!

We filled out the application Sunday night and with 2 references that we first had to "let in on what we're doing" (and they were both HUGELY ecstatic and supportive btw :) )   and with one last email question to the director, that she answered today.  I am going to put it in the mail on my lunch break!  : ) 

I have been trying to be very calm and level headed and well the word is not really cautious...but not getting ahead of myself either...because even now, I still realize this is something that may not happen for any multitude of reasons, and I am trying to let this entire journey be 100% God through Melissa, not Melissa trying to make something happen (and this is hard for me--it's growing me and stretching me because I am a control freak)....but I have to say after proofing the application like 25 times when I actually sealed it up and addressed it...

I GOT SO EXCITED!!! WE ARE REALLY DOING THIS!!!!

The one part of the application I couldn't bring myself to fill out was the age/sex of the child.  Joey and I talked about it, and he had no answer either.  I told him I would feel bad choosing, because if I choose that, how do I know we will get the child God has set this all up for? 

The only thing I know for certain is that if we have a boy, we would want it to be a younger boy, because we are putting Payton's safety first and foremost.  That is the only parameter we have and when I saw that blank on the application that said:   Sex______   age range ______ to ______.  My heart just felt like that would be so exclusive, it broke my heart...how do you choose that?  I told Joey I wanted whichever child needed a home....those things didn't matter above the one Payton/older boy factor. 

I want us to get the child God intends for us to have.  Because this entire thing, is God in action.  It's God moving to forward His kingdom, it's God's promise to soften our hearts in Ezekiel, it's God breaking my heart for these things, because Melissa...Melissa would have said I would like a precious baby girl, JUST like Ali. ; )  that's what Melissa would say.  But those blanks on that application stared at me and stared at me as my heart just dropped.  How would you fill that out? 

Thus, the question to the director this morning.  I told her we had many questions that I felt would be answered during the classes and that I didn't think we could make that kind of decision right now.  She said she completely understood and that it was fine to write "not sure yet" in that spot.  YAY :)

So off to the post office I go today at lunch!  Fully trusting God to continue to open doors and close them as He sees fit.  I can already see events that happened in the last year and a half that totally confused me, hurt me, upset me and I couldn't understand what was happening with some of the most important relationships in my life.  Now I see it was pruning.  It was God making room for something much bigger and much more important in my life than some of the friendships/people I lost.  Without those losses I would never be who I am today.  Joey and I would never be where we are today.

God continually amazes me.