It was heartbreaking. I can't believe as much as I love children, I haven't ever taken notice of the need and benefits of this program before now. RIGHT.OUTSIDE.MY.DOOR. I could say, I wasn't spiritually mature enough or that I was being prepared for it...but the truth is...
I was God/family/self centered....living in my little bubble of "our happy family" and although thanking and prasing God for it each and everyday and giving Him 100% credit and glory for it being what HE made it...I was content just living comfortably that way. If everyone could/did put their family first there wouldn't be a need for foster parents, but there are children living right in our neighborhoods, schools counties in horrible living conditions. Reading some of the circumstances these children come from is almost unbearable to think about.
And I had been comfortable living blind. :-/
I know a while back someone on here had pictures of African children with big beautiful, but sad eyes and distended bellies...and while that too breaks my heart (and this is a pathetic excuse) but they seem so far away, like I could never do anything more than sponsor those children with money. That I could never "really help" them, other than financially. And while I am thankful for those with the hearts, faith and courage to go through the sometimes gruelling adoption processes of foreign countries...
I have been shown there are children right here that may need me & Joey.
My heart is awakening to the very real possibility that I may actually have hurt, abused, neglected, unloved or uncared for children in/through my home and heart before the end of the summer.
My heart is Awakening to a passion. Awakening to a calling. Awakening with excitement.
The packet explains so many things in depth, one of which how long it takes some children to warm up to you because of the prior parental/family relationships that weren't nurturing, loving or healthy and not to be discouraged or hurt by that, they are protecting themselves the best way they know how (oh don't I know the truth in that statement). Then, of course my mind is always going to the "what if levels", and I had a heart-wrenching thought about "what if" the child doesn't want to go back once we have it? (not at all pumping myself up above a natural mother, but honestly reading what some of these children come out of OH.MY.WORD!) And from there, the enemy tried to shoot fiery darts of doubt, that I may not be able to do this, what if it hurts too bad, what if.......blah blah blah
But I QUICKLY drowned him out with God's truth. The Bible says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and everything else I have applied from there has worked, so I am trusting Him.
I am so determined to give whatever child is placed with us a Love (1John4:8) filled/centered temporary home.
But I also found in that booklet last night, the ultimate goal of DSS and foster care is to provide a temporary loving safe home for children who have been displaced due to ___?____, (and the real true horror of the things that fill in that blank would startle you) and for DSS to work with the birth parents and foster parents to re-place the child with the birth parents as soon as safely possible. This process includes foster parents working with the birth parents providing co-parenting and visitation dates...visitation dates that often throughout the process throw the children back into a state of turmoil/confusion acting out and instability after the birth parent visits. I won't give the whole book to you, but my point being...
I am realizing already this isn't going to be comfortable, easy, neat nor without very much heartbreak. I am not going to be able to comfortably enjoy my happy little family and ignore the needs of others any longer because there are children around me who don't have that option. And they are CHILDREN!
I am realizing God is answering my prayer ~"Break my heart Lord for what breaks yours" and I am starting to see just the very beginning, just a small glimpse of what breaks His.
I am eager to see what God is shaping me into, because ultimately, this is in His hands. And I can't wait! He hasn't taken me anywhere yet, that was not good.
Jeremiah 18:1-4 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
Isaiah 64:8 Yet you, LORD, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand.
~melissa
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