I have to admit, I'm kinda sad tonight will be the halfway mark through the foster parenting classes.  Joey and I have bonded so much during this time, he has talked about his own experience with his parents divorce which has been very hard for him to openly talk about during our marriage and has been very open discussing feelings and emotions while riding home each night.  Officially class 5!  Wow. I was thinking this weekend while talking to a friend, although we have much more of an idea now what to expect...we still really have no idea what to expect.

and we won't until that child shows up at our door with the case worker.

It's one of the first times in my life I feel like I have heard God speak so plainly to my heart and while the classes have opened our eyes to how much more is involved in this than just needing to be good parents and have a loving home, when I was talking to Jennie and sharing some of the things we have learned from class she said, I would be scared to death.  I could never do this.  I don't know how you are doing this....there are so many things that are uncertain.

Sitting here, in this moment, I just smile and think....there's the very reason all my life God has made me a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of girl.  (my pants are just a little less dangerous than they used to be)  ; )
Don't get me wrong, there are certain things I like order surrounding.  Utter chaos does leave me unsettled...
But plans changing...moment by moment...being a prefabricator of whatever the situation needs and unpredictableness is second nature for me to roll with and pick up and keep on going.  Wanting to be there for others needs has often been put above my own tiredness.

As a matter of fact so much so sometimes it drives Joey crazy, just ask him about 90 lb puppies ;) 

Weekends can change in a matter of seconds at our house as well, like this weekend, we had spent all night Friday and most of Saturday with our friends who's brother passed away.  Joey had taken Nick & Tyriq to choir practice when he got off work at 3:30 and I had told them Friday after work when I picked them up and was dropping them off back home, that I would call them Saturday evening and let them know if we were leaving earlier or later from our friends house after the funeral and if we could we would come get them and take them to dinner or to do something with them, but I really just wasn't sure yet with the situation being what it was.  SO I asked Joey what he wanted to do around 6pm Saturday while at our friends house, leave now and get the boys or stay around and help our friends longer?  He was indifferent.

From the time the phone started ringing to tell them we were going to hang around where were until later, and their mom answering the phone, I said "Hey! We are probably going to stay here until about 9pm and if that's not too late, we would love to come get the boys and have them spend the night and go to church with us in the morning, "Faith Force" is going to be at our church in the morning and I think the boys would love it!"  : )
So surprise to Joey, we were staying there later, still getting the boys and having a pj party tonight (filled with pj's snacks and a movie) and taking them to church and keeping them until 3:30 the next day!!!!

He has gotten used to me, it's been 14 years after all.  He rolls pretty good too~now.  :D

Jennie is structure structure structure, schedule schedule schedule.  SO ~ I am seeing and appreciating how even before I had any inkling of a clue that I would ever have foster mother written on my heart, God did.

He wired me to adapt, to change, to flex.

And for the last 14 years, Joey's adapted to my wired impetuous impulses...and even grown to love them ;)
Talking with Jennie about the big changes/challenges that will/could be coming to our home I am excited.  I am looking forward to being stretched and molded and formed into what He has in store for me through this.  He has shaped me into who I am now, and I know...this is going to reshape me even more.  Reform what has become comfortable and easy to me. I can't wait to be used by Him to reach out to these hurt children as He did me. 

I read the most powerful line on Ann Voskamp's blog this morning: I am the servant, not the source. 

This is His plan not mine.  I am the servant, not the source...

Otherwise, I would say the same thing Jennie did...I can't do this!!!