Class 7 the legal and

Court...reunification and permanency planning.

Tonight's class was the most sobering and probably in all honesty the most technical, but one of the most important...it explained the court proceedings to us for our county and state regarding foster children.
It went over some of the laws regarding termination of parental rights, guardianship/custody...etc

The sobering part was watching and listening to one of our instructors, who has a birth child, a foster-turned adoptive child, and she currently has a foster child about to leave her home.

Her foster child has been with her for 18 months...and in 2 weeks she will be moving to live with her aunt and uncle in NORTH DAKOTA....the case has had several unexpected turns and twists and didn't end up where anyone thought that it would...but it has. 

And watching her try to help lead our class on how to best help the children with their permanency plan and moving out of the "foster life" to the new permanency plan was heart breaking for me to watch her struggle and tear up, but she did so well. Sometimes permanency means reunification with parents, or adoption by relatives (that live near by) but in this case and every single case is different...her foster daughter that she has had from 4.5-6 years old...and I could see the pain well up in her eyes as she talked about the upcoming transition is going states away from her.

We also discussed confidentiality last night and the very serious repercussions of discussing children's cases with others.  This will be a trial for me, not for me personally, I can keep a secret...I can hold confidences...I am very loyal.  But I fear some of the people who surround me and the questions they will have, and the way they may possibly be offended if they aren't given info they ask....so I was very appreciative that we got good info on how to handle inquires last night and that was our conversation on the way home last night...how we are going to agree now.

No one.
No information.
Period.

There are three reasons a child can be removed from a home by DSS:

Abuse
Neglect
Dependency

That's going to be our answer.  Anything beyond that, no one needs to know...no one else is going to be caring for the child and bringing them into their home, their family and lives.  Maybe it's human nature to say "why" when you introduce a foster child, I honestly don't remember saying it about Ali, but I am sure people will wonder why.  And our answer...see above.  For the sake of the child----who would want to grow up and know everyone in the county knew about your mom or dad or _________ that had you removed from them.  That child is going to grow up to be a teenager and an adult and people are mean...if we can protect them from keeping our mouths shut, that is a small price to pay in my mind...someone else thinking we just don't want to tell them.

Another thing Joey and I have been pondering over is cocooning.  I had a friend that has pointed me to another blog a couple of different times and the last time I was there I read a post about cocooning (something I'd never heard of---of course why would I?)  And the thoughts, ideas and research behind it made so much sense to me.  It spoke to my heart somewhere deeply that wants to make this the absolute BEST EXPERIENCE POSSIBLE FOR THIS CHILD.  Joey and I talked about that a second time riding home last night.

Basically the very.really.super.short.condensed version of it is.... this child has just been through a traumatic experience being removed from all it's ever known....brought into an environment of people they do not know.  Introducing "Grandma _____, Uncle _____, Cousin _____ , friend ______etc etc etc etc etc"

BEFORE THE CHILD HAS A CHANCE TO BOND WITH YOU and can trust you....is terrifying for that child.  Causing questions like "what if someone else new they don't know is going to take them away from you".  Confusion and more trauma and fear would flood them with each new person they had to "meet".

Joey is a secure grown man and he has anxiety about meeting new people.

Why on earth would we subject a child to that, if we don't have to?

And we don't have to.  

We haven't told many people about this journey.  This is not "facebook worthy" to us.  We are private about things like law enforcement swearing in's and foster parenting classes :) 

Close close friends and family members are the only ones that know...

And I can't tell you how many people ask ---"So when will you get a child?"....and there are a few of those that are genuine and sincere inquires and I know of one that is/has been already praying for this child with me....but someone said the other day, "Well let me know as soon as you get him/her....we want to come meet them".  And I am sure they didn't mean harm or anything bad at all from it....but it's not someone we "see regularly".

It made me flash back to 2008 when we kept the two Children of the World girls from Uganda and Nepal through our church for a weekend....people we literally hadn't seen IN MONTHS who I didn't even tell, but Joey mentioned it to---  "dropped by" to "see" them.  That didn't set well with me then....and a child we are going to have move into our home and be a part of our family...is not something to "come see".

I guess I feel much more protective because I have seen and heard where these kids will be coming from. And with my two birth girls, although there did come a point when they were newborns I did wish everyone would go away and let me have some time alone with my baby...I know that didn't traumatize them to be held and cooed over by someone else.   These children aren't being born into our family...

WE ARE BEING BLESSED into their family.  And I want to make it as easy on them as possible.

I now see other areas already that I am going to need God's grace to walk through this journey with.
I am already feeling like a mama bear to this child of mine, and I haven't even met them yet.
I don't want a traumatized child being confused by a long string of friends/relatives coming to meet them when they don't even know who we are or WHERE they are yet.

Please pray with me for being non-offensive and approaching this subject with grace and love with our family and friends in the future and for them to have receptive hearts.

We have set up our "individual interviews" with our licensing worker for April 20th and May 4th.  And next weeks class is about the licensing process, so we will be more informed about that next class...Class 8 and I found out last night class 10 is more or less just a celebration with a covered dish dinner and one speaker and we receive certificates of completion at the ceremony.  So really...truly there are only 2 informational classes left .... OH MY GOODNESS....

It's happening.

Soon.

Lord I am ready.  I trust that you are going to continue to bless us and walk with us down this road that You have shown us Lord. Thanking you for answered prayers. Your love, light and I'm trusting YOU!