I wrote another blog earlier today for a more "general" facebook audience...
this one is much lower traffic...only a few dear friends have been given the address of it...
this is where I write all the way to the deepest darkest corners of me...
and...
somethings happening in me.
bigger than the foster mom thing and although I know I feel overly eager and slightly disappointed WAITING to hear anything on that front...
I feel like God is tugging at me even more...and I don't think it's just a restlessness that fostering isn't happening fast enough for me...but something is calling to me...
to shed the material
to leave "this world behind"
to stop allowing conformation of society to lead me
and follow Him.
really follow Him.
I don't know where we are going...but I've said all along I trust Him
I will follow Him anywhere...I said that when I put my hands in the arm last December.
Something is churning inside me, restless and disturbed by the comfortable life I'm living. And the only book I've been reading is the Bible...so it's not coming from an outside source.
Then 3 times in 24 hours messages have come at me...loud and clear speaking to the depths of my being....the inner most corners of myself..where in quiet time with God I hear Him and it's me and Him and His voice is clear...I hear something starting to take form in there...I feel something moving and growing within the depths of my heart...
-a sermon last night about this world vs eternity and the differences therein and what are we doing here that matters there.
-a step in faith today by my contacting a local rest home to start reaching out to others...the elderly lonely...4 ladies that are alone. Deciding to get off my butt and do something for someone else rather than sitting comfortably on the couch each night. Serving others? Sound familiar? Serving others take up my cross?
-and then after the above two things a friend shared a link to a video of an amazing YOUNG girl who started a mission in Uganda.
I am caring less and less for the things of this world...as I looked in the mirror in the bathroom earlier at my "old clothes" (I had a month or so ago complained about my work clothes that I am sick of because I wear them over and over and over...) and looking in the mirror today, I thought..I have so many clothes in my closet I never need to buy another new piece of clothing and I would still NOT be lacking for clothes. And I have smaller and larger ones for weight loss/gain hanging in my extra super large ridiculous could be a baby nursery closet to last me through any size I may be in the future.
I am seeing things through different eyes.
I don't want to live a life of comfort
I want to live a life that makes a difference.
I want to give hope to hopeless I want to reach people who haven't heard of the Love and salvation and peace and mercy and GRACE of our Father. I want to imitate what He has given so freely to me.
"Stuff" is beginning to be just that to me. Stuff. A pool is what lingers in the balance of our foster parenting approval... STUFF...stuff that takes enough money a month to sponsor one or two of the children for a YEAR that I saw in the video this afternoon. (here's the link)
You can google her and go to her website...
$300 sponsors a child for a year. food, school, clothes basic necessities that I have MORE THAN MY SHARE OF...if it were my child would I sponsor them for a year? HA!
A YEAR! Our power bill goes up about $100 a month when we turn our pool on each season.
I feel yuck.
I feel selfish.
I feel like I neglect what I should be doing.
I feel like I get a tug and I ignore it and tuck it back somewhere and go enjoy a week at the beach like I'm about to.
I feel like I may not be able to continue to tuck and run from this.
I hope HE WON'T LET ME...I want to be obedient.
I wish I had the teaching, the vision and faith of that little girl right out of high school, who now at 21 is a MOTHER to 14 orphans!!!
But I didn't.
I am learning.
I am feeling.
I am responding..
baby steps...
but why?
looking for the leap. ; )
I am a leaper...I don't adhere to caution when I want a new house, a new pet, a new car, new land...
Why should I be baby stepping with God.
With HIS KINGDOM?
WITH HIS DIRECTIONS TO CHRISTIANS....
Luke 12:33. "Sell your possessions and give to charity; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys."
Luke 3:11. And [John the Baptist] would answer and say to them, "Let the man with two tunics share with him who has none, and let him who has food do likewise."
Mt. 5:42. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you.
Is. 58:10. "And if you give yourself to the hungry, and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then your light will rise in darkness, and your gloom will become like midday. And the LORD will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
Luke 14:12-14. "When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, lest they also invite you in return, and repayment come to you. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous."
Luke 12:44. "Sell your possessions and give alms; make yourselves purses which do not wear out, an unfailing treasure in heaven, where no thief comes near, nor moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."
Mt. 19:20. The young man said to Him, "All these commands I have kept; what am I still lacking?" Jesus said to him, "If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven
Prov. 22:9 He who is generous will be blessed, for he gives some of his food to the poor.
Jer. 22:16 "Did not your father eat and drink, and do justice and righteousness? Then it was well with him. He pled the cause of the afflicted and needy; then it was well. Is that not what it means to know Me?" declares the LORD.
Deut. 15:10. You shall give generously to [your poor brother], and your heart shall not be grieved when you give to him, because for this thing the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in all your undertakings.
Prov. 19:17. 17 Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward them for what they have done
I think the message is pretty clear here. I think Love the Lord your God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself is coming to light for me.
It's great having cookouts with friends and hanging out and laughing and playing and having fun together...but what does that do for the shut in? Who am I feeding always? Those who can feed themselves...what about those who can't? Who am I if I only love the ones who love me? If I only comfort friends who have other family& friends to comfort them as well?
What am I doing to glorify God and all He has done for me by sitting and enjoying all I have selfishly?
This isn't about doing works for Him....it's about wanting to move because of Him and all He has given me...it's about sharing His love and goodness.
It's about being so full of Him it has to run out...
I want to be that full.
I look to You Lord to do Your will with my life. I read Your Word...I see your call.
Isaiah 58: 7-12 has been hanging on my desk for months and months...I've been reading it everyday... You amaze me Lord!
You know the plans...Here I am...send me. Continue to open the eyes of my heart to see, what breaks yours!!!
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