the past few weeks seem to have gone incredibly slow when I think about waiting for our approval from the state...every day that passes i think about there being a child in a situation that is deteriorating into what will eventually lead DSS to remove them from their home...and bring them to ours.
everyday i think about the stories i have heard since January and i wonder what the story of our foster child will be....how long they have lived somewhere abused or neglected before they came to us.
how if i could go them right now, this very moment today, i would.
but my heart wants to help these children escape from these circumstances sooner. i don't want to be patient. it's not because i have problems with patience (although sometimes i do) it's that i know there are children being abused or neglected and the sooner our phone rings, the sooner that child is somewhere safer, more comfortable, possibly more loved than they are now...the less their suffering.
but love is patient. and i want to be like His love. and i love Him and them. and i trust Him and His time. and i know He sees it all...mapped out like a detailed blue print, the structures that go behind the walls of a strong home that no one else ever sees with all the smooth sheet rock and pretty paint, but he makes the foundation...he makes it strong and sturdy, and I know He has it all in His mighty hands...and this has all been His plan...so for me to be wanting to jerk it from His hands and try to go run and "rescue" someone now, would be silly of me....He is the builder...architect...redeemer restorer... and after all, the (small compared) sufferings i have endured made me stronger in my weakness to be dependent solely on Him for my own healing....and they gave me character and strength. Just as I know he will take from those children what satan means for evil and He will use it for His good and His glory one day.
TRUST. I do trust Him!!!
but i also know, He has already given me a mother's heart for this child, these children.
and I am not the kind of mother who wouldn't rescue her child from suffering and pain if I could.
Trusting Him. because He has a father's heart for me...and them. And He started this good work and we trust Him to complete it. In His way and His time.
so although the waiting seems like months and months, when in reality it's been only about 26 days...I guess the good glass-half-full way to look at it is.....that it normally takes up to a maximum of 50 days to hear from the state, so we are more than half way through the wait!!!
Other happier less obsessive news. : )
Joey and I got to baby sit the sweet foster baby that started it all last Friday. I also had a 6th month old shoot with her a few weeks back. Here are a few of the pics.
The outcome of her situation is sounding very promising that she will get to stay a forever part of our lives ( because her case is leaning heavily towards adoption by the foster parents). God just amazes the socks off of me every single day.
Us babysitting the foster baby that started this all. WOW GOD!!!! You are good.
Joey and I cooed in awe over her for hours and the fact that we serve a Lord that is big enough he has made our families become close friends to the point they trusted us to babysit such a precious little gift from the Lord, for a night....I just have to say WOW! and ONLY GOD! Praise Him!!! That coupled with the two of us gooing and ooing all over her and giving each other tender looks of love over her between us on the couch, suddenly from my mouth sprang forth the words:
"I wish we could have another one. If we could, I think I would"
to which Joey agreed wholeheartedly. :-O I told him I felt like we just rushed the time with our girls waiting for the next milestone, the first step, first day of kindergarten and now tomorrow Payton turns 13. Not that we could have stopped time, but I really think we could have slowed it down a little (on our parts) and being of much more financial security now, and settled into a home and loving God and being a Christian now, and with Him as the Lord of our lives, I just think it would be really different with another baby.
I was more shocked that he agreed with me and said he too would like to have another baby if we could, (I had a hysterectomy in 2004) than by the fact that I said it ; )
When in another conversation this morning, mentioning this to one of my friends, she reminded me that God will give us the desires of our heart....so if this is something HE is writing on our hearts, I know that we could very well have a non-biological child that we would love just as much as we would a biological one...I know we would. You should have see us with Ali Friday!!! And you should see Joey with Kaylin. :)
Payton has been at the beach all week long with her grandparents and I am desperate to have her back home with me. She and I have really gotten super close over the past several months/year. She is my sidekick on photo shoots, plus her daddy has been working so many hours it leaves a couple of hours of girl time with her per night plus Saturday mornings all to us 2 girls. I eagerly anticipate her arrival tomorrow--just like I did 13 years ago to the day. Tomorrow is her Birthday and Joseph and I both really wish we wouldn't have rushed so many milestones.....we blinked and she is 13.
Joey and I both make sad pouty lips when the insurance commercial comes on and the daughter is about 5 sitting in the driver seat of a car and asking her daddy for the keys, (then when the camera pans back to her, she is 16)
because we know all to well...how soon that day is approaching us with Payton.
I will be back to update when I hear something!!! (or sooner if anything exciting or foster-parenting related happens) :)
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