after an emergency delay on our licensing workers part...we finally completed the final final inspection Wednesday night.
she was impressed with the quickness and quality of the fixes we added to the pool area to which I said, yeah I am a project get-it-done now kinda girl, and she said yes she remembered reading that more than once...to which Joey said, "She is a project DRIVER". Well, if I were skilled with screw guns, lifting heavy things and cementing rocks on the foundation of a house....I would be a project get it done now girl. Unfortunately, (or fortunately) I know where my limits and gifts are, and they aren't mechanical or manly or anything to do with construction. But I am a world class bug the snot out of someone until the pool fence is done girl especially when it comes to getting this foster parenting license ball rolling and a child in a safe loving home. ;)
she approved the pool safety, and is submitting our packet to the state this week.
as she was leaving our house I walked her to the car and she said we should be expecting a phone call very soon.
then she emphasized VERY SOON again.
she said they have been known to place foster children in homes when the paperwork has been sent off to the state in emergency situations, and having taken in 8 children in the last 2 weeks...don't be surprised if we get a phone call soon.
she said, "actually...we are getting a 12 year old girl tomorrow"....but I know you wanted younger than Payton....
sooooooooooo HELLO.....
I had in my mind all along....fall.
we would be licenced and maybe get a call in the fall.
walking back in the house my head started swirling around the statements she had just made...and I
thought...
wow.
are we really ready? I mean really. I know we took the classes, we passed the inspection, I have a bedroom with three beds and a couch in it waiting with all clean sheets and comforters and a closet (that needs to be cleaned out I remember now that I'm typing this).....
but the real thing the big thing....
is my heart ready?
is my heart really ready?
ready to share so much more than a clean home and structured environment....
is my heart ready to hear the heartbreaking story on the other end of a phone call and to say "YES!".
to make the drive across town to go meet our new temporary member of our family.
to wake up in the middle of the night again to soothe night fears or change wet beds or feed an infant again am I ready to be emptied of some of the me time and the me life and pour it into someone else? am I really ready to rid myself of some of the selfish spoiled ways I have become accustomed to?
Ways I like to think I have been getting rid of over the last several years, but honestly~~~ we have been sitting in our comfortable-easy loving home. Learning and loving each other with a more Christ like growing love...but am I really ready to give that "EASY CHRISTIAN" (or not Christian?) life we have been living up for a challenge a struggle a less comfortable way of life?
This phone call we now wait on will let me know the answers to that.
Today is Friday and ever since Wednesday, when my phone rings I think....AM I READY?
In our Wed sermon I have been chewing on a statement a visiting preacher made. He said if you aren't growing, stretching, changing....you are coasting. And you coast DOWN HILL. It really struck me.
We've been coasting for years.
Is my heart ready to pedal uphill?
The answer is my heart is...it has been...over the last six months it has been broken and re-set by the master physician.
but my head still swirls with the what's, how's, when's and what's....
but I know just as Jackie ever so eloquently and southern NC as you can put something said,
"Melissa, He didn't carry you this far to drop you now"....she's right. He didn't and He wouldn't...and as much as I am making this sound like it's about me and my readiness and my growth....it's not
It's all about HIM
ALL ABOUT HIM!!!!
it's ok for me to have emotions and questions and butterflies and even a few doubts...
as long as I don't live in them. BECAUSE HE LIVES IN ME!!!!!
and He who is in me....is the one who has orchestrated this all...
He has blessed me by choosing me to have the opportunity to love with His love.
To have love and compassion for parents who may not deserve it...
but what did I deserve? and what did He give me....
I stand here at the end/beginning full well knowing, none of this will be done by me.
It is all by Him and by His grace we are here....and I give it all to Him.
So here we are at the end of one part about to enter into the next step...and I sit clinging to Him.
Trusting Him.
Believing in Him.
Praising Him
and Praying for this child...as I have been all these months....praying for this child God is sending us to love and show them Him through us, for a time.
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